I was a bit surprised last week when the bipeds said I’d broken the vacuum cleaner. I hadn’t touched it. I must have looked puzzled because they went on to explain that the hair I shed has overworked it. Allegedly, that makes it my fault it’s broken! I disagree – if it can’t cope with some hair then it wasn’t really very good at its job anyway.
It had an attachment that is supposed to pick up hair from the carpet. It does pick up hair, the problem is that the hair wraps around the roller and then the roller stops turning. The biped then has to pull the hair out of the roller and I’m told, “Clowie, your hair has clogged it up again!”
What’s the use of an attachment for picking up pet hair that stops as soon as it picks some up? That seems to be a major design flaw! I hope they choose a better one this time. The bipeds say they hope the new one survives the tumbleweed season.
They are referring to my Spring moult. It lasts a couple of weeks and it doesn’t matter how often they brush me or how often they clean the floors there’s always some white hair floating around like tumbleweed. It collects around the legs of the table and some always gets trapped under the legs so that they have to move the table to remove it. I don’t know how it gets underneath!
Then there’s the washing machine. I often hear, “Clowie, you’ve clogged up the filter and I hate cleaning it out!”
I can’t deny that the filter when it’s taken out of the machine always contains some of my hair, but it also contains fluff from the towels and fluff from Mulberry the cat – they never mention that. And it certainly isn’t my fault that the filter is too low down to get a container under it to catch the water that comes out. This makes it a horrible job to clean it out. Only bipeds could design something that silly!
The male biped bought some new shirts at the weekend. The bipeds were unpacking them to wash them when he said, “Look, this packet is still sealed. Can you see that?”
He was pointing to a long white hair inside the packet. I don’t see what was so surprising about that. They know my hair finds its way into new pots of yoghurt, so a shirt packet wouldn’t be that much of a challenge to it!
They pulled the fridge and the freezer away from the wall recently and I went to see what they were up to. The grilles at the back were covered in my hair and they were cleaning it off. They told me my hair is a household menace!
I’d be quite offended if I thought they meant half of what they say! They enjoy teasing me. One of their names for me is The Hair Factory, especially when I’m moulting. But if they notice they haven’t got any of my hair on their clothes they’ll tell me it shows they’ve been neglected and need a Clowie Cuddle! I’m always willing to oblige! I think they secretly like a frosting of white hair about the house.
See you on Saturday!